Computer error messages written in Haiku
Strictly speaking, the following error messages in haiku have nothing to do with the contest. On the other hand, they are too appropriate to the spirit of the contest to be omitted. Since these have been submitted (repeatedly) from a number of different sources and their actual authorship is unknown, no credits are appended.
(Credits have since been revealed and appear later in this section.)
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
– David Dixon
A trick question, yes?
Everything is gone;
Your life's work has been destroyed.
Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?
– David Carlson
A little extreme but we do know the feeling
I'm sorry, there's -- um --
insufficient -- what's-it-called?
The term eludes me ...
– Owen Mathews
Er, yeah, it's right on the tip of my tongue
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
– Peter Rothman
Here, the final line tells you the whole story ...
Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again
– Chris Walsh
The reference is obvious but also an improvement
Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?
– Pat Davis
The ultimate backup - have paper?
Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.
– Charlie Gibbs
This would be a pleasant (and honest) replacement for the infamous "unknown error" message.
Server's poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.
– Rik Jespersen
This improved 'time-out' message offers poetic advice
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
– Suzie Wagner
If you think about it, this one is especially honest and a correct advisement as well.
Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.
– John Axley
An improvement over "invalid password" or "password not recognized".
This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.
– Charles Matthews
Sorry, but you're obviously not cleared for ridiculous.
wind catches lily
scatt'ring petals to the wind:
segmentation fault
– Nick Sweeney
Uh ... yeah ... thanks.
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.
– Mike Hagler
In other words, we're dead ... but, at least we're told so politely
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
– Simon Firth
I'd be much happier to see this instead of the "blue screen of death". After all, they are equally informative.
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
– Howard Korder
In other words, "file not found" ... but politely and poetically stated
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
– Bill Torcaso
Very much in the spirit of modern Zen
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist
– Joy Rothke
Perhaps Robbie Burns might have phrased it thus:
Ah, what tangles webs perceive
When ere we practice to retrieve ...
In any case, move over 404 - you've been replaced
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
– David Ansel
This message could save a few antacid tablets
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
– James Lopez
Another candidate to replace the "blue screen of death"
There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can't bridge
– Rahul Sonnad
Obscure, yes, but no worse than many of the real error messages cited.
To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy
– Brian M. Porter
This one is well worth keeping in mind and might easily replace the compiler's "Try to find a work around" (See Try, Try Again)
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
– Cass Whittington
Again, a gentle replacement for the 404 error message
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
– Francis Heaney
I'm not sure why, but I do really like this one. Or, as Marvell might have phrased it:
Had we but disk enough, and RAM,
This too fair program would be mine
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
– Judy Birmingham
Small consolation ... but more than none at all
The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.
– Barry L. Brumitt
I have a feeling that we could see this one a lot!
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
– Margaret Segall
Here you have it - in a nutshell
Subject: error haiku
I was reading the error messages on your website, and I ran across the error haiku you have listed as "author unknown." They are the result of a contest run by Salon Magazine. The originals are located at http://www.salonmagazine.com/21st/chal/1998/02/10chal2.html
Just to let you know,
Thank you for the info and the source. As mentioned, various of these haiku were submitted by several different people and all without credits.
And here are a few more haiku from the same contest …
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
– David J. Liszewski
From loss, emptiness,
Only in seeking nothingness,
May one attain nirvana.
– Ben Ezzell
No keyboard present
Hit FI to continue
Zen engineering?
– Jim Griffith
Perhaps we can hit a 'virtual' key …
Hal, open the file
Hal, open the damn file, Hal
open the, please Hal
– Jennifer Jo Lane
Can we expect, as they evolve, that computers will become increasingly stubborn? The seeds are here now, and 2001 is not far away …
The ten thousand things
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.
– Jason Willoughby
The world is ephemeral at best and always passing strange …
Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found."
– Len Dvorkin
And this is polite?
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
– Ian Hughes
Then one is one step closer to the ultimate … Perhaps this is well?