Act 5, Scene 1: Apartment of Daryl and Sandi Newcomb (aka: the newlyweds)
(lights come up slowly to reveal a fairly empty apartment, couch and end table, empty bookcases, sideboard and several cardboard boxes. Door opens, young couple (early twenties) enter, carrying additional boxes; Sandi’s is a long, awkward shape)
(stage right, burglar is seated on park
bench, reading a paperback book, (
Sandi: “Our first apartment. Think we’ll ever get everything straight? Where does this go, anyway?”
Daryl: (looking around at Sandi)
“What? … Oh, that. Bookshelf, I guess.” (puts his own load on top of an
existing carton against the wall, turns) “Here, let me.” (takes box
from
Sandi: (hugging herself and looking at the sword) “Your dad said there was a story about that … that thing.”
Daryl: (turning and opening box he was carrying) “Story? That’s putting it mildly. Dad’s Uncle George gave it to us. Something he picked up in World War II, somewhere in the Pacific. Killed a Japanese officer, took it as a souvenir off the body.”
Sandi: “And what are we supposed to do with it? What is it anyway?”
Daryl: (turns, holding a wooden silverware chest) “Ito maki tachi – a Kazari tachi, early Koto era … very valuable katana sword, antique … except we can’t sell it.”
Sandi: “Why? No, I mean, why not?”
Daryl: (shaking head sadly) “If it leaves the family, it goes back to the Japanese government – national treasure. The only reason that Uncle George was allowed to keep it was because he’d taken it in honorable combat. So, he’s passed it to me. Well, to us, anyway. Hey, bad as this stuff.” (hefts silverware box) “What do we do with this?”
Sandi: “Blame my Aunt Edna, I guess.” (takes box from Daryl and crosses to couch, opens box on her lap, extracts a knife) “Twenty-four place setting, solid silver … and we don’t have a table that would hold six.”
Daryl: (sitting next to Sandi) “And neither of us are much of a cook either.”
Sandi: (turning knife to catch the light) “We could always have it catered.”
Daryl: (gesturing at apartment) “Where?”
Sandi: (returning the knife to the box) “How ‘bout in the park?”
Daryl: (grinning) “Picnic in the park, solid sliver service … and paper plates. Right!”
Sandi: (putting her arm around Daryl) “Roast turkey! And you can slice it with the … the whatchamacallit … thing.”
Daryl: (leaning into Sandi) “That would be one they’d remember … if the police didn’t bust us. I think they frown on swords.”
Sandi: “Yeah, probably … but it’s a lovely idea.” (pause) “This is our apartment, right?”
Daryl: “Yeah, why?”
Sandi: “There’s nothing in the kitchen. No TV. But there is one thing we can do …”
Daryl: “Uh, oh, yeah, there is…”
(both rise and walk hand in hand off stage through doorway, fade to black on both sets)
Act 5, Scene 2: same apartment, later
(as lights come up, the apartment is empty. Stage right, the burglar is now seated at a small table, holding a latte and reading.)
(Daryl appears in bedroom door, pants, no shirt)
Daryl: (speaking over his shoulder) “I’m hungry. How ‘bout you?”
Sandi: (offstage) “Come back in here and I’ll show you.”
Daryl: “Insatiable woman. Hey, you need to feed me – I’m a growing boy.”
Sandi: (offstage) “That’s what I’m hoping … Okay, okay, how ‘bout Thai?” (pause) “I hear the peppers are an aphrodisiac.”
Daryl: (stepping back through doorway) “That’s not the problem, woman. Just feed me.”
(short silence before Daryl and Sandi appear; Daryl is still tucking his shirt in, Sandi is carrying a purse)
Sandi: “I’m taking you to the Green Turtle, then. Maybe that will revive you,”
(couple cross to door to hallway, exit, sound of lock closing, lights fade to black)
Act 5, Scene 3: same apartment, short time later
(as lights come up, sound of lock
opening, burglar steps in).
Burglar: (to himself, looking around) “Nice to have a rich family. As a starter apartment, this isn’t bad at all.”
(crosses to bookshelf, looks at katana but doesn’t touch)
(crosses to couch to look at silverware)
Burglar:
“Okay, there’ll be something here that will fit.” (goes to boxes
against wall, opens box of bed linens, stacking them on top of another box)
“They’ll need those.” (smiles, grabs two towels from stack, crosses to
couch and empties the silverware into the cardboard box using the towels as
padding, returns for two more towels, wraps katana in towels, adds to original
(longer) box, picks boxes up, crosses to door and exits)
(sound of lock opening as lights come up, Daryl and Sandi enter, arms around each other)
(stage right, burglar is seated in usual chair, facing TV, lays book aside as couple enter)
Sandi: “Well? Are you revived now?”
Daryl: “I’m getting there.” (sits on couch, reaches for silverware box to move it, hefts box with puzzled expression, then opens it) “Sandi?”
Sandi: “What’s wrong?”
Daryl: (holding up empty silverware box) “This!”
(Sandi stands staring at the box for a long
moment.)
Sandi: “But …” (looks around quickly) “…we were only gone for …”
Daryl: “I know I locked the door …”
Sandi: “You just had trouble unlocking it.”
Daryl: “Yeah, it was sticking …”
Sandi: (extracting cell phone from
purse) “We’d better call
(Daryl sits looking stunned as Sandi talks to police, still holding the silverware box)
Sandi: (closing phone and turning around again) “They’re sending someone over.”
Daryl: (setting the box back on the
couch and rising) “Good.” (holds out his arms and gathers Sandi for a
hug,)
(a moment later, Daryl stiffens, looking across at the bookcase)
Daryl: (very calmly) “Well … that tears it.”
Sandi: (slightly muffled) “What?”
Daryl: (still speaking calmly) “The katana. They took the katana.”
(Sandi turns, still in Daryl’s arms, leaning back against him, facing the bookshelf. Neither speak for a long moment.)
Sandi: “Damn.”
Daryl: “Yeah, they stole the katana”
Sandi: (giggling) “No damn it! They stole our picnic!”
Daryl: (puzzled) “Our picnic? … Oh … hell … OUR PICNIC” (collapses on the floor laughing, still holding Sandi, somewhere between laughing and crying) “They … stole … our … picnic … and … it was such a wonderful picnic…”
Sandi: (giggling/crying) “Such a picnic … our picnic … stole it.”
(door bell rings, stage right, burglar is shaking his head in disbelief)
(fade to black main set, curtains remain open)
(stage right, burglar is looking at wristwatch)
Burglar: “Well, as they say, the night is yet young. So, looks like a good time to pay a call on Munch and drop off some gems – seeing that he’s (/she’s) going to be out for a while.” (turns to address audience) “You know, there was a time when you’d have needed a fence to handle the silver and gold as well.” (smiles) “Now days, bullion is bullion; acceptable anywhere.” (pulls on gloves then turns away to pick up backpack, reaches inside, produces plastic wrapped and duct taped brick, hefts it) “About two kilos, I’d say. Should be enough.” (nods, returns brick to pack, exits, right set fades to black)
During interval,
figures in black dress both sets.
Act 4: Apartment of Freddy Silbowitz
Act 6: Apartment of Larry Sarton
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